sunday

Nothing special.
I walked around without my brace for about a day. It was interestingly easy and felt good on my mind. I looked moderately normal again too.
I can hobble-jog. I don't, but I can.
Puppy gets better but is still a nuisance. 80% frustration, 20% joy. So it goes.
First Pre-Op PT on Tuesday. We'll see how that goes. And tons of bills.

Aunt Roz sent me a carepackage with chocolate, a lavendar pouch, Burt's Bees and a cute animal book. It made my day. THANK YOU!!! It also softened the blow of the bills and the awkward-but-not-so-bad weekend with Mark's parents (Mark is my sister's boyfriend). Great food though lol. And more dogs to socialize Rikku to, so beneficial in a couple ways.

Onward. I'm hoping for T-Storm...

random update while i'm doing nothing

Everyone leaves for China tomorrow morning. *sigh* Then I'll be at the apartment, just me and Rikku--who, by the way, was wonderful for the vet today. Yay! The vet lady used to work for Banfield Hospital within a Petsmart and then decided they were all about the money and started her own thing. I think she at least needs someone to answer the phone lol. But she is great--I may end up staying with her.
Anyway lol, it'll be just me and Rikku. Chris packed a lot of his stuff today, and whenever Rikku falls asleep, I get a chance to clean up and get a few things done. She's 11.5 pounds, so she's not big, but she's a puppy. Her only vices are wanting to chew (duh), peeing in the house (she's not fully potty-trained), and growling sometimes (but she's getting better). We may go to puppy classes. But I need to get a few more boxes, and I really just want to clean the crap out of EVERYTHING. But I'm waiting because we may as well just wait until the apartment is empty of stuff before we scrub it down.

Shawn and Trace are here (two more China-goers). They're talking about roleplaying. I would've been learning about how to do that, except my leg took that away too. They're starting a campaign on the plane on the way there lol.
There's once again really nothing new about my leg. I'm going to try to not talk about my puppy and everything else in here, for the sake of other readers. BUT considering it's friends and family, you all probably want to hear about my life lol. Which, by the way, isn't that bad. I can walk sort of well, go up and down stairs... and I can do this hop/skip thing to go faster, but I don't do it often lol. And I can drive, and that's important. So it's not all bad. And I've got a puppy for company, joy, motivation, and distraction. So it's not all bad. I just want that fluid to go down.

Onward, as I search for houses and eat dinner!

nothing too new

Rikku is doing alright. She's got a little dominance issues sometimes, but she's only a puppy. She doesn't really like being held or getting tons of affection. Probably because she wasn't used to it with the foster mom having tons of fosters. Eh.
We're not getting the house we wanted--Frank decided to make it his retirement home. So we're on the lookout again. There's about 5 places we've contacted so we'll see about all that.
I started taking two stairs at a time on the way up, and I'm working on taking stairs normally on the way down. I did some yoga exercises and some lunges too. The swelling really doesn't seem that much better. And the muscle is so much smaller. My right quad is CRAZY. I hate this waiting thing where I can't get anything done until the swelling is down. UGH!

Right now, Chris and I are gonna watch 10,000 BC and American Gangsta. Oh, and Get Smart in theaters was funny. Okay. OH and Equilibrium is good too. Man. Tons of movies while having puppy. Reading probably too lol.

potty breaks

So after 2 potty breaks last night, I realized that I'm going to get a lot of practice with stairs lol. I have the worst time going down because when you walk down, your leg first is extended, and then quickly bends and then lifts. Well, my leg doesn't do any of that. When I walk, it's bent a little, and I can barely fully extend it when I walk. I try to practice it, but it hurts and it's hard with all the swelling, my knee just won't do it. And then bending it that fast. UGH. No way. So maybe this will give me practice. I'm getting better at going up though. And about getting up off the floor and down on the floor to be on puppy-level lol.

puppy and stuff

So I got a puppy today :) Her name is Rikku (ree-koo), and she's a shepherd mix. We think there's either some akita or maybe chow in her because she has black spots on her tongue. She's a sweetie! Shy at first, very pretty, and cuddly. Right now, Chris is the alpha in our little pack because he's more confident and he's a guy lol. But Rikku and I will have a month of just us to bond better. We also took her over to Laura's to meet them and the dogs. It went really well. She did pee on the welcome mat at Laura's. Apparently, it'd been peed on before, so it smelled like a place to go. But other than that, she's been pretty good. Exciting! I'll get pictures up soon.

There's really nothing new on my leg. And I doubt there will be until July 1st with my PT appointment. Right now, it's just time, ice, and compression to get the swelling down, and I'm still hobbling and wobbling. The pain from walking moves around, but it's not too bad.

School is done except for one exam in 240 on Tuesday.
We haven't heard back from Frank about the house, and we're keeping our eyes out just in case we don't get it.

That's about it. Hope everyone else is doing well!

wishing

I wish I could walk properly lol.
It's frustrating to have the limp and a stiff and swollen knee that shuts down your quad. SIGH.

Thanks to Aunt Roz/Uncle Russ for the cool popup flowers card. Really made my day :)

a little rough

So walking has been a little rough lately. I can't walk fully on my left foot, only on the toes really. So my left calf has been getting far too much work and it hurts like nothing else when I walk. I started trying to walk with my heel, but my knee starts to buckle and hurts every now and then.

I grabbed a door post and started leaning forwards and back to try and feel where the pressure should be. Because of all of the swelling in my knee, I can't really use my quad that much, but that's what I neeeeed to use.
After working with the post and the leaning, I was able to feel pressure around my knee while walking without the pain in my calf. So that was good. But now I'm just sitting down :)

And I can't wait for Saturday 11-2 at the Garner Petsmart. That's when I get to meet Emily the shepherd mix puppy!

an update

I set up my PT appointment. It's July 1st at 3pm with a guy named Greg at the Garner office. If we get that house (which we should), it will be a lot closer than the Glenwood office. So that's all well and good.
And we went to the WCAS today... and Dally is getting adopted :( I was dreaming about her all night long lol. But it's good that she's getting a home. I'm going on Saturday to see a puppy named Emily, a german shepherd mix girl about 10 weeks old. I'm excited.

And school is SO close to being over!

doctor information

So here's the deal.
1) My doctor is awesome lol. He's so funny. He came in and basically said, "Well it's a no-shit-sherlock deal that you tore your ACL, so there's that." Heh. He said that I did as much damage possible without actually destroying my knee or breaking any bones lol.
2) Only my ACL is torn. There is some damage to a few ligaments/tendons that connect to my calf, but those will heal on their own. I will have to have surgery without a doubt, but there's no rush.
3) I can't have surgery until the swelling in my leg goes down. So it'll be at least a month before surgery, and in the mean time I have to get and go to physical therapy for prehabilitation.
4) And that's basically it. All of it.

Nothing I wasn't expecting. A little annoyed at the swelling bit, but I suppose it's for the best. Chris will most likely be going to China now, and I'll be able to hobble-walk for another month. Cool beans.

hmmmm

Nothing too exciting.
I went back to WCAS yesterday and played with Cookie again--but she's so fiesty and aggressive. There's a Russian Blue kitten I want to look at. But then some lady asked if I was going to look at the dogs, and I told her I wasn't because I shouldn't get a bigger dog and I want a German Shepherd/Husky kind of dog. She said there was a smaller GSD and showed me him, and then I ended up wandering around the dogs and found Dally. Now, I'd change the name, but Dally is a German Shepherd/Husky mix. One blue eye, one brown eye, gorgeous fur, but: no tail. They don't know what happened to her tail, they got her in on the 8th. I went in the cage with her and she was so unbelievably sweet. She leaned up against me, she laid in my lap, a regular cuddlebug really. And then I got to go with her when she went on a walk with a volunteer, and she walked really well on the leash. I'm going back tomorrow with Chris and Laura to see her. Even without a tail (which would be one reason others wouldn't adopt her... and yeah, that sucks), she's so sweet. And she's two years old already, so she's not going to get any bigger--and she's about Mel's size, which isn't bad. Anyway. That was the exciting part.

Today is school. I need to fix my hair. And do lots of homework for the week. I have my follow-up appointment today at 2:15. And I want to back up my external hard drive again.

And, I'm considering moving my blog to another service because I'm not feeling this one. I'll keep you updated.

pets and pics

I forgot to say that yesterday, Chris and I went to the Wake County Animal Shelter (WCAS) and the SPCA of Wake County. Yay animals. I'm looking at kittens because I can't get the kind of dog I want yet (german shepherd/mix). The house we're getting doesn't have a fenced backyard or enough room for a dog to run. So I'll have to wait. And in the mean time I want to get a kitten :)

So I'm going to go back today to WCAS to see Cookie, and hopefully to 2PawsUp (if they ever email me back) to look at 2 other kittens and a puppy.

And in the mean time, I'm going to post some awesome pictures of my leg lol.


So this is the brace that I've got now. The lockable one that I got Monday. It's great for excercises (straight leg raises namely) and real easy to take off and put on.These are my bruises that started showing up this Thursday. Awesome :) They're all purple and yellow.And this is my favorite bruise. It looks like an epic scar--kinda like Sally's stitch from Nightmare Before Christmas too.

boredom

I wanna go do something.
And I really want Cookie :)

I'm making rice and watching "A Knight's Tale".
Chris and Cedric are at a wedding. I feel left out.
And the thunderstorm SUCKED.
Maybe I'll go drive somewhere lol..

humph.

Yesterday was alright. But I did too much. We movie hopped at Crossroads (best place ever to do that) to see both Kung-Fu Panda and Hulk. I loved the first and the second was great too. Then there was Laura's party. And before I went I felt like shit.
My stomach has this on and off feel-like-puking feeling thing going on since the accident. I haven't puked yet, and I do NOT plan on it. But the at Laura's, oh my goodness. So Chris gave me some bread and I watched the US Open with Ben. But then everyone wanted to play drinking games. Sadly, all I could do was watch :( And by the second game, I wasn't feeling good anymore and I wanted to just go. It made me so angry.. so I decided to just go home and go to bed. And I drove my car home, with Chris in the passenger seat (cool that I can drive, but still).
I woke up at 8:30am but forced myself to go back to sleep. I got up at 11:15 this morning.
I was just so mad. Because Angel, Laura's friend from forever ago, was there, and I really could've used a party to wind down and have fun. But NOOOOOO, my stomach had to freaking ruin it.

And I really want to clean the bathroom...

In other news, I'm buying a Macbook Pro. I'm sick of my laptop. So I'm switching over. We'll see how that goes.

So basically, it's cool that I can sortof walk with a limp, drive my manual car, go up stairs, etc. But my stomach can't handle it. I can, my knee can, but my STOMACH can't. *sigh* Surgery will be a damn interesting experience. We still don't know yet if Chris has to go to China or not; he needs to get a letter from my doctor saying that he has to stay here with me. Otherwise, I'll probably go to Laura's for a month (or try and get her and Mark to stay at my apartment). Because I want to make sure I have the same PT the whole time (I'm really worried about finding the right one).
But I'm worried that Laura won't put up with me, since I'll be bedridden for like 4 days. And I'll need someone to help me to the bathroom, to shower me, to get me food, everything. And then to drive me to the doctors, the PT, etc. I know Mark would, and Bryan would too probably. But Laura's Laura, and I just don't know. *sigh* That really makes me sad.

So I'm going to read and look at puppies and kittens on petfinder and craigslist. And eat.
Kbye.

happy freaking friday!

Oh my goodness. This morning was wondrous. Well, in the leg-sense.
1) I stood up in the shower instead of sitting down.
2) I hobblestepped in the kitchen and CLEANED THE KITCHEN. Mmmm.
3) I made eggs.
4) I helped take out the trash.

And I'm going to vaccum when I'm done with my MRI, and maybe see The Hulk or Kung-Fu Panda (WHICH I was told is amazing with amazing music BY HANS ZIMMER, mmmmm). AND Laura's PJ party is tonight. Yes. I'm excited.

OH, and 5) I went up the stairs, without crutches, and I took one foot per stair.
Hell yeah.
Of course, all of this will disappear once surgery comes around and I'll have to start over. AND I can't bend my leg more than 90 degrees and it still hurts to fully extend it. So I really should just be working on those anyway lol... But whatever lol!
Happy freakin' Friday :)

stair-master

I wanted to see if I could. And I can. It's part pain, part strength, but mostly all in the mind.

Lately, I've been putting more weight as I go up the stairs on the bad leg. And today, I was trying to pseudo-walk up the stairs like normal people (that sounds so bad lol), but still with crutches for support. WELL. After sushi tonight, I decided halfway up the stairs to the apartment that I would try. I took the crutches in my right hand, and took the railing in my left. And I took one stair at a time. Without crutches. Two really big milestones for me today. I mean, it was put the left foot on a stair, meet it with the right, put the bad foot on a stair, meet it with the good. But still. Unbelievable. I guess I'm just blown away by the fact that one day, I'll be able to truly use it again.

Lisa, the stair master.

research

I was looking up about the doctor that I have, Dr. William Isbell with the Raleigh Orthopedic Clinic. Nerve wracking because it's hard to tell who's a good doctor and who is not. But eh, he seems good. He worked on Brind'amour in February, he's a Carolina Hurricane. And I was trying to look for Physical Therapy places. I've found a couple. Eeep!
Time for class.

tears of hard-earned joy

It may not seem like much, but again... little victories. As I've been trying to up the ante with my leg and put more weight on it here and there, I decided to try something this morning. When I walk with crutches lately, my arms and hands hurt because of how much I'm using them to walk. So starting to use my bad leg (eventually I'll go back to left and right, but it just doesn't matter at the moment lol) for walking helps remove some pressure from my arms and hands. Well, this morning I tried something. I hobble-stepped from the bathroom to the bed and back to the bathroom. Without crutches.
I was waving my arms like an excited penguin and getting all excited with misty eyes of joy. I hobblestepped without crutches. Of course, my bad leg moves an bit and then my good leg comes up beside it. But hey, it's something! And then of course I do too much and when I step my foot twists a little and my knee twists and gives a little and my knee-insides hurt. But whatever, I hobblestepped.

Whenever I wake up though, and randomly throughout the day, my stomach just hurts and I feel like puking. I haven't yet, knock on wood, but ugh. Plus I had a horrible nosebleed this morning. UGH x 2.
And I just can't bring myself to do homework. It takes FAR too much effort. But I have been nonetheless. Onward.

new exercise :)

Too many posts in one day.
So a good exercise that I found is to spell things in the air with your injured leg. Pick the word, then lift your leg and spell it out but keeping your leg straight. I did EEEEEE, DOG, and SHITHEAD (inside joke between Chris and I lol).

Also, I've been on Petfinder.com on and off all day. I'm starting to fall in love with a kitten named Cookie, and really want a puppy too. A companion full of unconditional love, trainability, and happiness. I've never had a dog and always wanted one :) I also was looking at AnimalBehaviorCollege.com. You can learn to be a dog trainer :) Awww.

stressed

So apparently, I panic and get overly stressed and angry and lean towards crying when things get fucked up.
Like today.
We missed my appointment. It was at another office in Wake fucking Forest. And they didn't tell us that. So my MRI is Friday now. Don't ask me any questions, I don't want to freaking talk about it. Once again, MRI is Friday, and I won't post anything about it until Monday because I still won't know until then.

In other news, I move faster on crutches when I'm panicked and pissed.

comedy

In class we're talking about comedy.
Keep laughing. Having good humor helps :)

One week anniversary

You know, I've never been one for week or even month anniversaries in relationships. Hell, Chris and I didn't have a one year anniversary because we couldn't remember what day we got together lol (we ended up choosing May 14th, and we had our two year though). But with this, it's going so slow that I wanted to!
It feels like my leg has always been bad. I mean, not like I can't remember using it or something, but I've gotten used to it. Every now and then it gets frustrating that I have to hop around while I hold a cup of water in my mouth, my pills in my cleavage, and my laptop in my right hand. BUT, that's life.
Only my Mom has emailed me back, and I know that some family members are reading, but I don't know if anyone else has checked their email or what. So if you want, you can let me know you're reading it. Otherwise, you can spy on me in cyberspace and I'll never know.

It's not too bad. I mean, definitely not as bad as Wednesday night when it happened. That was special lol.... But it does hurt from time to time. I can get into the bathtub just fine though, so that's a relief. The hardest thing is getting on shorts/underwear, socks, and getting tired from hobbling around. OH, and going down stairs that have no rails. UGH. Well, and going down hills. And asking people to do things for you. Otherwise, it's not too bad. MRI is today at 4:10, so yay for that. We'll all find out Monday.
I really didn't feel like doing homework yesterday. I napped for two hours, and ordered pizza (Chris and Cedric and I all chipped in for it) so it'd be an easy dinner. Laura, Mark, John Stancil, Bryan, and Sebastian were all at our pool so we went to see them. And that got me awake and away enough to get stuff done. School is just annoying when your leg draws your attention.

I really need to work on my left leg more. I can't do it until I've eaten because too much movement unsettles my stomach (gotta love that gene pool lol, love you Mommy lol). But it's weird because when I'm standing and have my weight on my good leg and have my bad leg's foot planted, I feel like my weight is even. But it's obviously not. Thus my joy over the Wii Fit once therapy starts. So I really have to work on that. Working on pressure is the hardest because it's so scary. I can't do it without the brace. And then tightening the quads are hard too because it's hard to tell.

Eh, time for COM 240. Hate that class lol.

notes

Don't fall asleep with your leg bent. It hurts a LOT when you wake up :)

Also, never psych yourself into thinking you can do a lot more than you can. It gets disheartening. Just because I can bend my leg and lift my leg, it is still unbelievably weak and needs to be exercised a LOT before I can successfully use it.

However, Papa Johns is on the way. So I'm cheery.

Little victories

It's the little things that get me excited. Like being able to lift my leg so many times an a row. Or being able to put some weight on it, even though most is on my crutches or good leg.
I'm making a point to practice having weight on it and pseudo-walking with it (still with crutches obviously) during the day, like in the kitchen or in the school hallways. I need to try.
Ice doesn't help swelling. Neither does my medicine. But that's because there's so much fluid. It's like a softball. *sigh*
Tomorrow, MRI at 4:00. And then Monday, I'll know for sure.

And I have an ungodly amount of homework to do. Jeez I hate school.

thoughts on leg work

Good morning :)
I forgot to say that yesterday at the Raleigh Orthopedic Clinic they gave me a new brace. It is specifically for knee stuff, and can lock on the sides to keep my knee from moving. It works realllly well. But it took a while to get used to. It's a lot heavier, which means more work (but that's great in the long run). And yesterday, while working at trying to bend and straight lift my leg, I felt like I was doing it safely.

There's only one thing that really gets to me right now. That even if I can eventually walk without my crutches this or next week, it won't matter--I'll have surgery and have to start over again. This stuff really tears you down and builds you up multiple times I'm finding. I had to cry again yesterday some because it was like taking a couple steps back in what little progress I had made. Although, I will say that it's good in the sense that I'm building up my left thigh. I'm favoring the right leg (duh) which is already bringing strength away from the left. And I need my left leg to be as STRONG as possible. And that means working with it even if that effort won't show later, you know? So right now, I'm sliding it closer and farther from me at NCSU, since I have over an hour to kill before class starts. And then I can lift it again.
People who might be going through this now or later (I hope not for anyone, but life does cheery things like this), push through the pain. Seriously. Be a beast and be stubborn. Let your body say when you've had enough, but push through. And be prepared to work on your people skills/being social in elevators and while waiting for the car to pull up. People look at me and look at my leg, and that spurs me into small talk. And no worries--it's not like you don't have a story to tell ;)
This torn ACL is going to work on a lot of things for me... confidence, strength, pride, social skills.. and of course, being able to move again!

Oh, and I'm excited about using the Wii Fit once I can stand because the balance games will help to show how badly I'm favoring the good leg. That'll be SO great during therapy. Yay :)
Onward! I hope everyone else is doing better than me lol.

moderate excitement

On a random note, the doctor did say that in order to have surgery I need to be able to fully extend my leg and to bend it at 90 degrees (yeesh!). So hey, I have something to work on rather than have it be a dead leg :) They also want me to start putting weight on it slightly, although if I'm going to have surgery then there's no point. BUT I do need to get strength in my left thigh because my right thigh is getting to be beastly :)

So, while watching Zohan today, I was working on bending it. And right now, on the edge of my bed, it is bent some.. maybe 50 degrees? Yay :) AND I can lift it a little over a foot off the ground. But that scares me so it's harder lol.

Homework time!

The long and short of it

Wednesday afternoon, Katrina and I went out to go horseback riding as usual. This time, I decided to ride Era so Katrina could work on getting Porsche to be less lazy like she always is with me. I've ridden Era before, so this was not a problem. But that day, she had a little more get-up-and-go than usual. She got away from me at one point, galloping through the woods and whatnot. But when she came to a tight and uphill path, I was able to stop her. Pissed off, tired, and branch-smacked, we rested a bit. On the way back, we decided to canter up the long road like we'd done twice before. Well.... that's when she really got away.
If there is anything faster than a gallop, and let's call it WARP or RIDICULOUS, that's what Era was doing. Up the road and across an actual road. Then BACK across an actual road and onward. She lurched over a ditch, and the whole time I'm yanking on one rein to get her to turn in a small circle to stop. She doesn't, and the one rein snaps... So I start yanking on the other one. All the while, I'm screaming at her to WOAH!!! STOP!!! WOAH!! WOAH!!! forever. Not listening--well actually, her ears were cocked back at me, so she was listening, just not doing. I'm starting to lose energy, it's been about a minute, but I can't fall off. I gather my strength while at ridiculous-warp-speed, but she lurches and I lose stirrup number one. Shit. While she's taking deathly tight turns, I have to tuck my foot under her to stay on. *eeep* She lurches again over a ditch AND a turn, and I lose stirrup number two about a minute and a half later. OH DEAR GOD. So up ahead is the creek, which they jump at a stand still, and she's still going ridiculous-warp-speed. The whole time, I am trying to find out where I could bail, where I should bail, if I can bail. But she was going so fast that there was no way it'd be safe.
So, trying with all my adrenaline and strength and stubborn pride, I'm staying on this crazy fast horse. But without either stirrup and one rein, and a creek ahead, my instincts kick in and say, "Self? You need to bail. Or you'll go over her head, get trampled, and die." And so, I said, "okay self!" and threw myself off her and I don't even know how I managed to do so. But I do remember being in the air and spinning in the air and somewhere in the back of my mind thinking, "oh. god. please." And then I landed. And I just screamed "OW!!" ..breath.. "OW!!!" ..breath.., over and over again for about a minute. It was excruitiating. All I could do was scream and grab at the ground hopelessly. And I had lost Katrina and Porsche WAAAAY back there lol. But then I thought, "Okay Lisa, you need to get up.. See if you can get up," so I try and get my legs under me, get ready to stand up, and then I kindof stand. And right when I finally am up... I piss myself. Unknown to me at this point, this is a common reaction to minor concussions which I probably just had at the moment. But, since I didn't think about that, it really just put the damn cherry on the damn top. It sucked. And then Katrina finally caught up to me, jumped off the heavily panting and limping Porsche (who put her heart and soul into chasing me), and ran and hugged me.
After trying to hobble, we realized I couldn't walk. So she put me up on Porsche who manned up and walked gently all the way back. Of course, once I got off the horse, my adrenaline fell and I started feeling sick (common for injuries) and dropped myself to the ground. Once back up to the house by Mary's husband on the golf cart (Mary is the owner of the barn and land), Mary handed me a Bud Lime (which actually is awesome, and I hate Bud stuff). And it was great. Then I was taken to the hospital.

So that's the long of it lol.
I split the little thing that connects my upper lip to my upper gums. It's split vertically (awkward lol), or it was--it's healed now, thank goodness, that I was annoying. My left knee has a fracture on the left of it, and they think that my ACL is torn and that probably my PCL is torn too. My MRI is Wednesday, and I won't find out until this coming Monday. Earliest that I can have surgery is next Thursday.
Guess who's not going to China... *sigh*

Well, things to do. But that's the long and short of it.
I'll keep you all updated. Straight from the knee. The left knee that is :)